I like this pic.. such pain in the eyes

Dr.Mah:

[For those who want to know, the Chinese character in our profile pic represents the word 'Dream']

I've been blogging more then often lately.. and I really dont know why. I cant concentrate much in shool anymore because of all the crap happening in my life and in other peoples life. But Life is funny isnt it.. I mean.. no one will ever get their way, there will always be ups and downs in life, and some people may say that thats the reason life is so beautiful.So I assume that the people who say that havent walked a mile in my shows before. I've been called the BIGGEST pestimistic.. and is there a problem about that really?? I mean.. all I am is realistic.. I put myself down so that if something bad DOES happen I'll be prepared for it.. Am wrong for doing so? People may complain about how I complain about life.. but i wonder..why cant I.. I mean.. I'm not hurting anyone by doing so, and I'm not annoying anyone..and if I am, just dont listen to me or read my blog... sorry, I just had to let that out.

But to the Big Issue. The Law of Equilvalent Trade.. Its such a pity how this rule applys to everything in life. This concept I stole from FMA (Full Metal Alchemist), which is a anime that i highly recommend. In chemistry class, they always teach us in order to make one thing, you must always scarfice another. For example, in order to have a simple compound like water (H2O) you would need to scarfice 1 oxygen for it.. because its H2 + 02 --> H20.. or so I assume. One would need to scarfice their social life and study hard, and in return you get high grades, One needs to die so another could live, one needs to feel pain so the other can feel joy..something like that.. Well..in the past couple of months I have known soo much people that has gone through so much pain, it's rather a lost of a family member, or a lost of a girl/boy friend, doesnt matter, I've experienced it all in the peroid of 4 months... well When I was happy, i noticed that someone around me wasnt.. something had happened which lead her to a dark abyss...so because of that I became unhappy..and in a turn of events.. she was happy again.. and then something happened to me.. and then I started to become more and more depressed (if you may)... and i releized something.. In order for one to be happy..another has to be.. Its really such a pity that the world cant really be a happy place. Its a pity how with every happy person there must be another unhappy person, just balance everything out. Thats what I thought.. thats all I knew..So a friend of mine asked me a couple days ago.. she said "How come you're soo pestimistic.. cant you just relax and be happy?..." And i remember that shawn once told me that "It wouldnt kill you to let go once in a while"... But the thing.. they dont understand. I am like this because of recent events... But I stay like this because I have. I feel that I have to balance everything out... A couple months ago.. Around Fed?.. I was as happy as can be.. But then something happened to a friend of mine, well call him N, and yea, so N was in a pretty upset about something for a while. And then something happened to another friend of mine.. something happened Sean..so he was unhappy.. and then Jj was next.. and then me.. But then something good happened to N, and someting AWESOME happened to Sean.. (He got Am's ^.^)..but then.. something bad happened to N again.. and something BAD happened to two other friends of mine, (they're like brothers to me as well) {I know its confusing, but stay with me here, its late -.-}...And I asked Shawn whats going on.. He looked at me.. and said "Law of Equilvalent Trade".. then he smiled and said "So you better be damn happy soon".... So i started think.. If I'm still like this.. still sad.. then perhaspe the law will skip me and go to my friends in pain... I've made my decision Shawn.. I chose to stay like this, and you knowing how stubborn I am, theres nothing much you can do....Law of Equilvalent Trade eh...or should i say....

....Equilibrium....