Here I am...

So here I am..blogging on my laptop...my parents just left...I wanted to go to the mall with them, but I was afraid that I wouldnt be able to get my books today...so I told them I had to go, and when I got upstairs and checked the hours of the bookstore...they closed already...and my parents left cause they didnt wanna rush me...*sigh*...

its not that I dont like Waterloo...Amy is here, and I love her...but it's just that...fuck...I dont know...I cant explain it...I just want to be where everyone is....or at least know where everybody is...if Im not...I feel left out...forgotten...abandoned...which is what this weekend is for me...abandonment...I could have went home, but I didnt...I stayed cause I love Amy and I don't want her to be more alone than she already is...but I just feel like everybody abandoned Amy and I, for home...I dunno if Amy feels the same way I do...cause well...she doesnt miss her home...but I miss mine...I dunno...

...its like...I stayed for Amy...but....who stayed for me....

I...have issues dont i?....*sigh*...ah well...I still hope ur all having fun doing whatever ur doing down in scarborough...

Cheers,

- Shawnathan

Lisa Simpson Syndrome

Dr.Mah:

Once again I post even when I said I wouldn't for a long time, but since school has yet to start and I have nothing to do, might as well post. Lisa Simpson Syndrome is the title of this post that fits my emotions very well I would say. We've all, most of us, seen The Simpsons episode when Lisa was sad, and for no good reason she was just sad. Well for the past couple of days, perhaps a week now, I have been struck by the LSS. I'm not sad about anything in particular, I'm just sad. Perhaps it's the fact that my good friends have gone having a great time, and I'm stuck here. But I should not be jealous of my friends, and I doubt I am. And since I haven't talked to Shawn for a while about my problems, nor Wilson, I might as well rant on for my fellow blog readers out there. (Not to make Shawn/Wilson guilty for anything).

Today was uneventful, I guess I woke up on the wrong side of bed because I woke up pretty pissed off. Why? I have no clue really. So the whole day I was pretty quiet. I recorded a new greeting voice message for my cell phone. It's lyrics from Jude Law and a semesters aboard by Brand New. And all you hear is "And even if her plane crash-ish tonight she'll find some way to disappoint me" *Beep*

Around 5 was time for work for me. I don't look forward to work, it's just something I need to get by, and money for my goals in the future. It's something that I need, not want. During work I was talking to this new cook, Dina is her name, and we were talking about bubble tea and such. She looked kinda down today, which is somewhat odd because she's always smiling, so I asked what her favorite flavor was and stepped out for 5 mins. I came back holding two bubble teas, one mine and the other hers. Hopefully that had brighten up her day alittle. I know how hard it is to be a new cook... 10pm was when I was off work. It was kinda dark out, but I decided to walk home. Gas prices, thought lowered, are still high, so there was no point in wasting gas on little old me.

Coming home and watching a new South park show was the highlight of my day. It was pretty funny.

I find myself to care less about the world around me, it's a sad and sick feeling that I would like to get rid of, and only time will tell. I really do not want to draw attention that my b-day is coming up, but might as well. I did not book the weekend of my bday off because I really dont see a point. No pity for me please, I give myself that way to often and I'm sick of it. For those who remember or even care about when my b-day is, you should know when it is, and yea.. This isnt like my other B-day, when I was back in highschool, Nis,Redford,Krishna,Shawn and Jamil, I owe them alot for buying me 'A walk to remember' dvd, and 'The Lizzie McGuire Movie' dvd. It's ashame that there was so much tension between Redford and I, else I would of repayed him for that amazing bday gift. But I guess nothing can stay perfect in this world.

I'm in a very dark period in my life, and I honestly dont know why. I guess this is the Lisa Simpson Syndrome...

A corny song I know, but hey, I need a song like this once in a while. Btw, thanks Felix for the advice man, always there when I need you.

"Hold On"

This world
This world is cold
But you don't
You don't have to go
You're feeling sad, you're feeling lonely, and no one seems to care
Your mother's gone and your father hits you
This pain you cannot bear

But we all bleed the same way as you do
And we all have the same things to go through

Hold on if you feel like letting go
Hold on it gets better than you know

Your days
You say they're way too long
And your nights
You can't sleep at all
Hold on
And you're not sure what you're waiting for, but you don't want to know more
And you're not sure what you're looking for, but you don't want to know more

But we all bleed the same way as you do
And we all have the same things to go through

Hold on if you feel like letting go
Hold on it gets better than you know
Don't stop looking, you're one step closer
Don't stop searching, it's not over
Hold on

What are you looking for?
What are you waiting for?
Do you know what you're doing to me?
Go ahead...What are you waiting for?

Hold on if you feel like letting go
Hold on it gets better than you know
Don't stop looking, you're one step closer
Don't stop searching, it's not over
Hold on if you feel like letting go
Hold on it gets better than you know
Hold on

Duck Hunt...

Duck Hunt I swear is the greatest game ever created...we met like 4 new people today who were simply curious as to how in the hell we can play duck hunt, in the midst of all of the ps2's and xbox's....like I said...its the greatest game ever made...male/female/ MAGNET haha....I guess people are just as nostalgic as I am...

Today was an alright day...we started out by going to pick up my OSAP...but that didnt work out because I need to have my SIN card with me, and not just my number....so...I need to call my mom and tell her to bring it up when she can...

(by the way...everybody except amy and i are leaving for the weekend to go back to Scarborough...I'm not going because then Amy would be alone, as even Joanna has decided to ditch the girl and go back to Scarborough to see "the guys" or what-not...)

Anywhoodles...after that we all went back to our suite...krishna, me, elaine, vanessa, felix....and then simone made his way back...Lauren from the down the hall stopped by to say hello...twas a good time...then Amy came over and walked into my room expecting to find me under the sheets, but it was really felix, and I fell out of the closet laughing because we surprised her good haha..*mwah*...soon after, we went to felix/nelly's place where we met Ian and Andrew and David....after duck hunt and such, we went to go eat at Mongolian Grill...it was alright..."kbbq is 5 levels up" according to Krishna, and I agree haha...the waiter forgot Amy's bill, so she got a free meal...haha go her...and well then we went back to Jo/Amy's place where we met Kyle, Holly, and some other white dood, who all were sucked in by the beauty of duck hunt...

Anyway, its 2am and I'm dead tired...the long and short of it...we ended up at Felix/Nelly's place until 15 minutes ago where Jo was playing Donkey Kong...etc...haha....I gotta write the ELPE tmr...English shizzle...gotta wake up bright and early haha....

Cheers,

- Shawnathan

(Waterloo frosh is lame)

Anyway, a bunch

I give up...

Dr.Mah

1st:Happy early B-day for Sandy btw =)

So school has began for many, not me, not yet =)... Ahhhh 'I give up..." A proper title for my how I'm feeling right now. Until now.. I've honestly never felt so lonely in my life. I'm sooo tired of liking someone only having to find out that they like someone else. It seems like I've been used/played upon. And I'm tired of pretending that I'm happy for them when really, I wish they'd both..*insert Jude Law And A Semester Abroad lyrics here*. I've made a goal to try and not complain so much about my life.

Honestly I have it good here, I have my health, my friends and I use to have my hair until I shaved it off :|. But the reason I'm venting is because I DO want to start off a school year fresh, (as w3rdna would put it) and not see the negative side to it.

Fine I go to UTSC, I dont give a shit, laugh if you want whoever you may be, and fine I'm not going to Western or Mac because of money, laugh again, go right ahead. But I'll be the one laughing when you, your childern and your childern's childern is serving me. Time to give up on being so god damn stubborn. Gonna go to UT tomorrow to meet some new faces. To make some friends, and have a good time. Though I sound very bitter, I sort of am.

But theres one thing I do give up on and thats looking for someone out there that's right for me. I really dont care anymore I'm sooooooo tired of putting my heart out there only to be stomped on. Theres no better feeling the that right... So throw in the white flag, and stick a fork in me...I'm done.


"Straitjacket Feeling"

Back me down from backing up
Hold your breath now it's stacking up
Etched with marks, but I can deal
And you're the problem and you can't feel
Try this on, straitjacket feeling
so maybe I won't be alone
Take back now, my life you're stealing

Yesterday was hell
But today I'm fine without you
Runaway this time without you
And all I ever thought you'd be
That face is tearing holes in me again

Trust you is just one defense
off a list of others, you don't make sense
Beg me time and time again
to take you back now, but you can't win
Take back now, my life you're stealing

Yesterday was hell
But today I'm fine without you
Runaway this time without you
And all I ever thought you'd be
That face is tearing holes in me again
but today I'm fine without you
Runaway this time without you
And all the things you put me through
I'm holding on by letting go of you

And when the memory slips away
There will be a better view from here
And only lonesome you remains
and just the thought of you I fear
it falls away

Yesterday was hell
But today I'm fine without you
Runaway this time without you
And all I ever thought you'd be
That face is tearing holes in me again
but today I'm fine without you
Runaway this time without you
And all the things you put me through
I'm holding on by letting go of you

Here I am...

So here I am, at Waterloo....god damn this place is big....my room is the smallest of the the 3 of ours (Simon, me, Krishna)...its still alright, I like cozy places....I'm sooo fucking tired from walking around all day long with Chris and Michelle who live in the rez ALL THE WAY ACROSS CAMPUS...

It hit me today, when I laid in my bed, after my parents had just left...I'm in university...scary feeling...but awesome none the less...already met a bunch of new people, and goin out a bit later to meet some more new people...

Last night as a send off we all went to the bluffs, and we started a fire and it was awesome...completely awesome...started reminiscing...and telling stories of times past....greatest send off ever...perfect way to end the summer...

Amy's coming tmr...things are gonna be good...I can feel it...hehe...it's our 1 year...gonna live it up haha..*mwah* I love you baby...

Cheers all, wherever you all are,

- Shawnathan

(I'd like to think that thru the net, we're all still connected...unless you delete each other, or dont use the net...)

Brothers...

Dr.Mah,

This is will be my final post until midterms is over. I need to concentrate on school to raise my GPA so I can get a transfer because that's all that matters. And post may be corny.. =)

Last night was the final night I got to see my friends before they left for uni. We had a wicked time, we went bowling from 11-12:30, after so we went to the bluffs, started a fire and just sat around saying "remember when..." or "What I'll miss the most would be..."

Starting the fire was the biggest bitch, but once we got it going man was it amazing. We found boxes to burn, pads, paper, wood, and Shawn and I were lucky enough to find fire fuel. The flame went on all night. Before the fire got started two cops came and asked us questions. They asked if we had alcohol or drugs, and when we said no, they called us lame. Haha that was wicked.

I have named this brothers because my friends are no longer friends to me but brothers. Saying goodbye to Shawn and Felix is like saying goodbye to my brothers, and when we drove off, all Nick,Nis,Marlon, and I talked about was how hard it was to say goodbye. Nick admitted that he was glad he left early, he didnt think he could hold it in if he had to drive shawn, and neither would I be able to.

Shawn has been there for everything, and though we get into some, or many stupid fights, we've always looked passed it. I use to think that to have a best friend you have to know that person for a long time, but that's not true what so ever. I've known Shawn for 3 years and we've been best friends for atleast 1 and half year. Shawn knows what I'm thinking of, and when I'm down he would know. He'd come to visit with Nick, and that's what I'll miss the most. I'll miss the nights when I would bitch about my crummy love life while he drives me around the town. And he's always there to listen. I call him to bug him when he's with Amy, and he's never gotten THAT mad. Felix is the same, so is the rest. All of them are calm cool and collective. No matter what happens we never get seriously piss. Felix has been for me for a long time as well. He's ALWAYs good for money, haha, and no matter what happens he's always so fucking positive.

It was hard to watch my friends go, but it's harder to hold back the tears. But this blog isnt all about Shawn and Felix. It's about all the guys, becauase for a while, I know we wont have time to hang out together. Even I didnt really hang out that much during the school year.

But Shawn has promised to continue posting, and I promised that I would read them. We all have our cell phones, and since Felix is rogers we can call each other for free, wicked. They'll both come back on November, and we'll see each other then....

The english dictionary describes brothers as "A male having the same parents as another or one parent in common with another" but I define a brother as a person who is there for you. A friend that's willing do sacrafice their time for your happiness. People who will be there for the break ups and make ups. A drinking pal. A person willing to rollerblade with you at 4am. A person who understands. People there that always have something funny to say when you're down. Where money is not a problem, where everyone is far. Yea....

Simon Mah's Dictionary
Brothers: Shawn,Felix,Nick,Nis,Marlon,Robert,Jj

This song's for you guys, Much Love:
The video doesnt work, but please go to this site:

http://www.musicvideocodes.com/?song=2360
http://www.musicvideocodes.com/?song=855