Focus on the negative

Dr.Mah,
Random thoughts: [8]
{1st time Dr.Mah blog readers, this is just a post filled with random thoughts...}

My God, how long has it been.. Now I forgot how I went about doing this. I'd bitch for a couple paragraphs and end it off with lyrics from an amazing song?

So after reading Shawns blog.. I just want to bitch slap him up and down this place for saying such stupid things. Ugh.. Shawn do you not see the talent you have? In all honesty just look at me.. I'm less then average, and I wake up with nothing going for me. Yes, I may be a tad over dramatic, but come on, it's been a long time allow me to be. It has gotten to the point when I just dont understand the reasons for getting up anymore. I wake up to a world in which I'm quite frankly not a part of anymore. I'm not involved in the hospital student council because of what they would call "Business"... barely in any clubs.. life seems a meaningless for me. My marks are complete shit, and I havent even talked to my best friends for the longest fucking time. The voice in my head just dont Shut the fuck up, and it only seems as though my music can numb it for a quick mintue or two. I have an early lab tomorrow, which means that I will have to get up and take the bus by 6:30am and that's always a bitch, but i feel like if I dont talk to anyone quick, then all these thoughts in my mind will always remind here. But from past experience, I've learned that blogging helps the noises just for a couple of hours, enough so that I could get some shut eye.

So how has everyone been? Me, I've been better then today. Today I slepted in and missed perhasp the funniest lecture of all time, so I stayed home and studied all day. When night time came around I watched some scrubs just to cheer myself up, and tried to talk to shawn but his fucking laptop signs him in and out it's hard to even have a decent converstation with him. My plans have been completely ruined so I have no idea how I can pull that thing off anymore. Marks have been going down hill for some odd reason, but knowning mean, a failure just means I'm just gonna get angry and try harder at whatever I did bad in, I'm stubborn that way I guess.

So Shawn is going to pick me up from work on saturday and we're just going to have KBBQ from 12am-2am, where then we can finally catch up, and perhasp I can finally be happy once more. See, Shawn has always been there for me like a true brother, now now Shawn feat. Inu Cats, I love you all too, but lets make this about shawn for once =). I remember that when during my broken hearted days, Shawn would always stay up and talk to me until I'm dead tired, or he'd pick me up from work and we'd just drive around listening to Thursday, Brand new, and some TBS and just talking. Because it doesnt matter what we talk about, what matters most would be that someone's there to listen.

So it comes down to this... where do I stand now.. Shawn's post got me thinking.. about how Felix and his zippo, Nick and his pool, Shawn and his magic.. Marlon and his "black-ness", Robert and his cars and because he's the badest cowboy I KNOW, Nis and his tamil speaking ways =) (s2)...But where do I stand..
so as I sit now and just think about what Im good at, besides complaining.. I dont see anything I can put to be on that list..

I truly wish that there is an Equivalent trade in this world...because I'm just so tired of sacrificing eveything and getting nothing in return...im so tired of it...just so tired...

Comments are up for grabs, so fire at will.. i dont care anymore...
"I dont care if you hate me, or love me...because either way, you're thinking about me"
This weeks post:
TBS - You're own Diaster
Remind me to send you this song Shawn, new duet =)
"Your Own Disaster"

Just think of this and me
as just a few of the many things
to lie around
to clutter up your shelves
And I wish you weren't worth the wait
because there's some thing's
I'd like to say to you...

And I don't think that
you know what
you've been missing
'Cause I don't think that
you know what
you've been missing

And I dare you to forget
the marks you left
across my neck
from those nights when we were both
found at our best
Now I could make this obvious,
and you, you could deny me
all in one breath
you could shrug me off
your shoulders...

And I don't think that
you know what
you've been missing
'Cause I don't think that
you know what
you've been missing

And I don't think that you know
I said I don't think you know
I said I don't think you know what your missing

Hey, lush, have fun
It's the weekend
Hey, lush, have fun

Hey, lush, have fun
It's the weekend
Hey, lush, have fun

I don't think that
you know what
you've been missing
I don't think that
you know what
you've been missing

Just forget me
it's that simple
Just forget me
it's that simple

It's been a while...

www.shawnathanmagic.com

My site is now up and running and I think it looks damn good. Thanks to the boys at York for building it for me...

A lot has happened since the last post...whisky is still great...but...everyone is working or in school...and it just seems like nobody has the time for anybody else these days...but I blame work and school for that because well, we all have to go through our own lives and do our own shit before we can deal with others...we have to get our shit under control before we can handle anybody elses...I've felt detached from my friends recently, but I know that they all feel the same way, which is comforting...but I know that when it's all said and done, we'll all still be friends...university does that to you...shows you who your closest friends are...because they are the ones you actually make the effort to talk to...and you have to make the effort, it's not just a matter of waking up and going to school and seeing all of your friends there anymore....hard work is involved...patience more than hard work Id say...but life will go on after uni, and everybody is through with school and the only left to do is live...that's when shit will come together...

Amy..has always been there for me..supported me...loved me...and she is my main concern right now...she's my dearest friend...and I'm just trying to make things right with her..solidify the shaky parts of our relationship...Amy Luu...I love you with all of my heart...we've been together for 1 year and 5 months now ladies and gentlemen...and I know that we'll hit 2 years..and then 3...and so on...and we'll be fine..we'll still love one another...cause I beleive that love never dies...and my love for you Amy wont...*hugz u*...

I've been asked on a number of occasions recently why I got into magic...so I started thinking about exactly what motivates me...and I came to the following conclusion:

All my life, I have never been great at anything...ya know?...I was never the fastest runner...the most athletic..the best basketball player...the smartest kid in the class...the funniest...the best dressed...the most talented (come to think of it, I never had a talent, unless you consider that weird thing I do with my fingers a talent)...I've never been anything but Shawn, plain, and short...god gave me a life of mediocrity I suppose...anybody who went to macphail can vouch for all of what I just said...they'll tell you how sad a story I was...I always looked up in envy at kids playing the piano so beautifully in front of the entire school...or how amazing somebody sang...or how well somebody could dance...everybody can speak in public...everybody can act...and hell anybody can do magic...its just that not everybody can do it well...not everybody beleives in it like I do...not everybody appreciates the fact that it is a gift to be able to do magic...to be given the style and grace to pull it off well is a gift...and...once I found magic...I knew that this would be what set me apart...its the only thing really...everybody has that one thing...that one thing that sets them apart...krishna...has his photography...nick is a god in pool...amy is the smartest person I'll ever meet...felix has his zippo...marlon's black...and before I found magic, I would have never thought that I'd be able to put myself on a list like that...but now...shawn has his magic...

(Oh yea...and I can kick anybody's ass in Smash Bros. Melee...haha)

Cheers,

- Shawnathan