Heavily medicated...

This will be one of the most random posts I've ever made....cause well...right now..I'm bored as fuck..and..heavily medicated (HEY..THATS THE NAME OF THIS POST)...pain killers are not cool...but yet, they seem like the way my life is headed...only a matter of time before I get addicted because I mean...if my hip never stops hurting..then I have to take pain killers...but the more I take, the more resistance my body builds to it...which means I have to take more, or a different (stronger) kind...and then before I know it I'm snortin crack off the blade of a knife...I never wish this fate on anybody..well..maybe some people..you know who you are...but yea...its times like this (not right now, in the moment, but at this stage in my life) when I begin to notice the small things that make me happy...these are those little things that bring a smile to my face...

A perfect thumb-fan...something about it just makes me feel like all the years I've spent doing magic seem worth it...

A phone call from a friend who doesnt have an agenda...who just wants to chat...who doesnt want me to drive them somewhere, or ask a favour, or ask me to go somewhere with them...just..to talk...

A warm hug...there's nothing in the world greater than the feeling of hugging the person you love most in the entire world...you immerse yourself in it...and get lost in it...maybe I'll find that again one day...

The Moonlight Sonata...hands down, the greatest love song ever written..and I lose myself in it everytime I play it...I can feel the passion eminating from the keyboard..

Having my own room..and a bed that doesn't need to be unfolded every night...all my life I've never had my own room...and now I don't even have my own bed...I sleep on the floor in the living room most nights...I need a place to be alone..to truly be myself..and a place to let others share in all that is me...

When something inexplicable happens...like...when i was in the shower one time, soaping my back and I had the bar in my hand, and I felt it drop, and then I turned around and it was completely gone..no thud against the tub...nothing....I looked everywhere for a half hour..but I never found it...weird shit...

Rollerblading....I wonder if I'll ever be able to do that again...I felt a slight bit of freedom when I put my blades on...I could just zoom down the street, breeze in my hair, hop over the occasional garbage can...rock out to some tunes...I miss that...I give my relentless rollerblading excursions credit in the losing of all of the fat I gained in first year uni....25 pounds...145...back down to 123...proud of it...

Snails by The Format...."Snails see the benefits, the beauty in every inch.."....that line alone makes me smile...and they say it many times in the song..so it always means many smiles..

New Card smell...the smell of a freshly opened deck of cards...those little paste-boards of imagination, aching to take people to a place they never thought possible...

Getting a letter in the mail....for a man who has written probably 200 letters in the past 2 years...I rarely ever receive one...nobody writes letters anymore...I guess I'm just the traditional guy who likes the surprise of getting a letter..the anticipation of opening it..and the satisfaction of reading whats inside...its a sign of true effort..like it means something to you...cause it takes real effort to write a letter, and then mail it...msn is just a point and click world....nobody sends mail anymore, period....

Somebody singing me a song...that'd make me smile...that'd make me smile from ear to ear...

When a stranger says hello...

Learning about a caretaker's life...cause..nobody dreams of becoming a caretaker..and I just wonder what makes them happy, if not what they do to make their living...

Holding somebody's hand...making out, massages, sex...to me, nothing shows connection more than holding hands...I miss holding hands...I think thats what I miss the most haha...

Seeing people do good things...like...seeing my friends better themselves...

Bettering myself..

Being in love...it may not be a small thing...but we all long for connection, regardless of how comfortable you are with being single...being in love is the greatest feeling I've ever felt...and I want that again...I wont force it..but it cant be beat...

..theres a romantic side to me that wants so desperately to be let out cause it knows that whom ever chooses to be a part of my life, will understand it may be the greatest thing that could happen to them...im not trying to be cocky..a rich man doesnt need to tell u he's rich...i just want you to understand that instead of waiting around to meet that special someone and sweep them completely off their feet...i have to sweep myself off my feet first...cause I mean, nobody is going to do it for me...I'm not that naive anymore...I don't expect anybody to ever do it for me....


- Shawnathan