Equilibrium

A state in which all acting influences are canceled by others, resulting in a stable, balanced, or unchanging system. Mental or emotional balance

Saturday, November 06, 2004

Parting is such sweet sorrow...

Parting is such sweet sorrow,
That we should say goodbye till it be morrow.

This is a blog from wednesday until today....

Wed: On wednesday I went to waterloo with big Simon (T-sang) and Joel (Damean, as he would like to be called)...so I had to wake up at like 5:30 in the morning just to beat the morning traffic...and yea..when I went downstairs and walked out the door, IT WAS COLD!...holy hell...I didnt have my coat because I loaned it to sum girl, who's name I cant pronounce, cause she needed it for some class...but yea...it was cold...so after the long LONG drive to waterloo...I noticed a purple, velvet, coat in the backseat of the car...which..was part of my bro's friend, Gajan's, halloween costume...so...you all know me...I put the coat on...and yea...it was pretty badass...it's safe to say that out of all of the high school students there that day, I was the coolest one...haha...hold on, I gotta shoot my ego down from the sky....

Thurs: Thursday was a relatively good day....I finally got around to going to the magic shop afterschool..and damn it was fun...when I got there..Jeff (the owner of the store) started showing me JJ and Butters some demos..and yea..they were wowed and amazed...so much so that JJ bought a 40-cent magic paddle...that he wanted to learn and show people...Jeff even told him how to use it..the sleight of hand of called the paddle move...and yea...JJ set out to learn it...Jeff also showed us some other stuff..which gave me a few good ideas for my own routines...so aye thank you kind shopkeep...I got new ropes and a magic wand while I was there....the wooden ones with metal tips cost 30 bucks...so I bought the $2 black wand with white tips...haha...Ill work my up the ladder...

Fri: Seriously...stupid Jamil...buys the paddle..learns the paddle move...only to ruin the trick time and time again...so I took it upon myself to take the paddle off of him and show the spectators the trick, THE RIGHT WAY...haha...I even put in patter and everything...like I just made it up on the spot and it got some pretty great reviews...for example...me and JJ were walkin down the halls to the drama room and this girl named Rima was walkin towards us, and I was like..."HEY RIMA, wanna see sumthin cool?"..To JJ: "Gimme the paddle"....haha and then I showed her, and she was pretty stunned...i mean for a 40-cent trick...it sure packs a whollap...BUT..that only because of my performance of it...tricks are just tricks, performance brings a trick alive...

Later that day...I went to Millikan Park with JJ and Nis to set a few things up for Amy's arrival...so yea..Amy came down, and I went to pick her up...and we just chilled until about 7..which was when I was supposed to give her, her surprise...see...it was our 2-month anniversary yesterday, and I wouldnt normally celebrate 2-months, cause who celebrates 1/6 of a year, haha..and lets be honest here everyday I spend with her is a celebration...so yea I wouldnt have normally celebrated 2 months but I didnt get to do anything for our 1-month, so this would make up for it.....

So we arrive at Millikan Park at 7-ish...and I take Amy into the woods...and she asks me if I knew where I was going...I told her..."yea, Im following the light"...so I walk with her to where the light is coming from...and there...on the rocks in the middle of forest..is a series of 20 candles, arranged in the shape of a heart..."Happy 2-months dear...."...she loved it...she even cried..."1 and 1/2 tears" according to her...haha...JJ took a picture and sent it to me...look at my display pic if you wanna see what it looked like...

...aye thank you Jamil and Nis for setting that up for me...truly great friends...

Today: I was supposed to go out to lunch with JJ and Butters to a Jap Buffet called Nagoya..but yea..Bro took the car to go to work, so it looks like those plans are scrapped...I think I'll watch American Beauty and do some magic...Im supposed to go my Uncle's for dinner tonight...that should be....fun...*sigh*...cant even convince myself...

Oh and Butters...its ur turn...its ur time...that said..I know how stubborn you are, so I know that I cant convince you to change ur mind...but hopefully I wont have to, cause sumthing good will come along and if you pass it off like it were nothing, it would be a great loss...

This is one of my all-time favorite songs...

Saves The Day - This Is Not An Exit

Tonight will be the night that we begin to ease the plugs out of the dam.
And we still stand knee deep in the flow, the undertow will grab our heels and won't let go.
And while we hold, our legs quivering, the water rises now to our teeth when we just let go
and sail belly up to the clouds, the rocks scraping our backs.
To breathe in the air will be the only thing that we have
and all the wasted nights and empty moments in our lives are flushed away as we sway with the rhythm of the waves bobbing us up.
Crests fall to troughs as we feel our gills open up
and sail belly up to the clouds, the rocks scraping our backs.
To breathe in the air will be the only thing that we have.
And if the hook set in the bottom of our lungs, we'll rip it out and lick the blood off with our tongues.

Despair could ravage you if you turn your head around to look down the path that's lead you here, cause what can you change?
You're a vessel now floating down the waterways.
You can take your rudder and aim your ship, just don't bother with the things left in your wake.
Just sail belly up to the clouds, the rocks scraping your back.
To breathe in the air will be the only thing that you have
and your love will be warm nights with pockets of moonlight
spotlighting you as you drift, the actor in this play.
You walk across the stage, take a bow, hear the applause,
and as the curtain falls, just know you did it all
the best that you knew how and you can hear them cheering now.
So let a smile out and show your teeth cause you know you lived it well.

Cheers all,

- Shawnathan

Cold Night

Cold Night:

Do you remember... When I would walk you home..?
I remember... Cuz we were all alone..

It was November.. and I was loving life
It was December... and I remeber I called you wife...
Now I sit here sad and all alone
Wondering where you are...
Wondering if I should pick up the phone..
But the words escape so fast
And all I do is live.. right in the past

It's a cold night without you love
And it feels like I've had enough
Because life without you
Is like life without..

It's a cold night without you love
And it feels like I've had enough
Because life without you
Is like... life without..

We were together until that faithful day
When I just had something truely stupid to say
When you left me I didnt believe you were gone
When you left me I found out I was wrong..

I'm sorry, but I didn't know what to do
When a close one is dying infront of you
But I can see that you're happier now
And all I can do is just smile some how

It's a cold night without you love
And it feels like I've had enough
Because in your heart is where I call home
And without you love I feel so alone

It's a cold night without you love
And it feels like I've had enough
Because in your heart is where I call home
And without you love I feel so alone

(Speaking Voice)
I was hurt one day.. I took a pretty bad fall
All I wanted that night.. was for you to call
But I never blamed you... I didnt care
I know that you're happy... And all I can do is bare...
So before I go..I just want you to know
That if you ever need me... You'll know where to go...

It's a cold night without you love
And it feels like I've had enough
Because life without you
Is like... life without..

It's a cold night without you love
And it feels like I've had enough
Because in your heart is where I call home
And without you love I feel so alone

It's a cold night without you love
And it feels like I've had enough
All I do is shiver...
Without you love...I quiver...

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

I like this pic.. such pain in the eyes



Dr.Mah:

[For those who want to know, the Chinese character in our profile pic represents the word 'Dream']

I've been blogging more then often lately.. and I really dont know why. I cant concentrate much in shool anymore because of all the crap happening in my life and in other peoples life. But Life is funny isnt it.. I mean.. no one will ever get their way, there will always be ups and downs in life, and some people may say that thats the reason life is so beautiful.So I assume that the people who say that havent walked a mile in my shows before. I've been called the BIGGEST pestimistic.. and is there a problem about that really?? I mean.. all I am is realistic.. I put myself down so that if something bad DOES happen I'll be prepared for it.. Am wrong for doing so? People may complain about how I complain about life.. but i wonder..why cant I.. I mean.. I'm not hurting anyone by doing so, and I'm not annoying anyone..and if I am, just dont listen to me or read my blog... sorry, I just had to let that out.

But to the Big Issue. The Law of Equilvalent Trade.. Its such a pity how this rule applys to everything in life. This concept I stole from FMA (Full Metal Alchemist), which is a anime that i highly recommend. In chemistry class, they always teach us in order to make one thing, you must always scarfice another. For example, in order to have a simple compound like water (H2O) you would need to scarfice 1 oxygen for it.. because its H2 + 02 --> H20.. or so I assume. One would need to scarfice their social life and study hard, and in return you get high grades, One needs to die so another could live, one needs to feel pain so the other can feel joy..something like that.. Well..in the past couple of months I have known soo much people that has gone through so much pain, it's rather a lost of a family member, or a lost of a girl/boy friend, doesnt matter, I've experienced it all in the peroid of 4 months... well When I was happy, i noticed that someone around me wasnt.. something had happened which lead her to a dark abyss...so because of that I became unhappy..and in a turn of events.. she was happy again.. and then something happened to me.. and then I started to become more and more depressed (if you may)... and i releized something.. In order for one to be happy..another has to be.. Its really such a pity that the world cant really be a happy place. Its a pity how with every happy person there must be another unhappy person, just balance everything out. Thats what I thought.. thats all I knew..So a friend of mine asked me a couple days ago.. she said "How come you're soo pestimistic.. cant you just relax and be happy?..." And i remember that shawn once told me that "It wouldnt kill you to let go once in a while"... But the thing.. they dont understand. I am like this because of recent events... But I stay like this because I have. I feel that I have to balance everything out... A couple months ago.. Around Fed?.. I was as happy as can be.. But then something happened to a friend of mine, well call him N, and yea, so N was in a pretty upset about something for a while. And then something happened to another friend of mine.. something happened Sean..so he was unhappy.. and then Jj was next.. and then me.. But then something good happened to N, and someting AWESOME happened to Sean.. (He got Am's ^.^)..but then.. something bad happened to N again.. and something BAD happened to two other friends of mine, (they're like brothers to me as well) {I know its confusing, but stay with me here, its late -.-}...And I asked Shawn whats going on.. He looked at me.. and said "Law of Equilvalent Trade".. then he smiled and said "So you better be damn happy soon".... So i started think.. If I'm still like this.. still sad.. then perhaspe the law will skip me and go to my friends in pain... I've made my decision Shawn.. I chose to stay like this, and you knowing how stubborn I am, theres nothing much you can do....Law of Equilvalent Trade eh...or should i say....

....Equilibrium....

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

I'm lost without you...

BLINK 182

"I'm Lost Without You"

I swear that I can go on forever again
Please let me know that my one bad day will end
I will go down as your lover, your friend
Give me your lips and with one kiss we begin
Are you afraid of being alone
Cause I am, I'm lost without you
Are you afraid of leaving tonight
Cause I am, I'm lost without you

I'll leave my room open till sunrise for you
I'll keep my eyes patiently focused on you
Where are you now I can hear footsteps I'm dreaming
And if you will, keep me from waking to believe this

Are you afraid of being alone
Cause I am, I'm lost without you
Are you afraid of leaving tonight
Cause I am, I'm lost without you

Are you afraid of being alone
Cause I am, I'm lost without you
Are you afraid of leaving tonight
Cause I am, I'm lost without you
Are you afraid of being alone
Cause I am, I'm lost without you
Are you afraid of leaving tonight
Cause I am, I'm lost without you

I'm lost without you
I'm lost without you

Sunday, October 31, 2004

That was more fun than getting teeth pulled...

Right so yesterday I ended up doing magic for 6 hours in the afternoon because I coulnt go to the magic shop because of my gaylo brother taking the car to go to work that morning...damn him...damn him to hades...

After A LOT of confusion I went to Nicole and Helen's little bday soireƩ...which...safe to say, was a big flop...but koodos to you Nicole, after all, it was ur bday...it was at one of the suites in the alton towers complex...building number 160...i beleive thats sonam's building...so koodos to you sonam for living there...

In the end I had to wait with 3 women for their rides to come for various reasons...

1) Katie, cause well, we were waiting outside of Mac's for christsakes...
2) Merin, cause god damn it I dont trust drunk tamil people, especially those who are following her...after she leaves, the guy turns to paul..."yo i got her msn guy"...what a fag...like seriously grow the fuck up and get a future...
3) Andrea, cause well, it was the gentlemanly thing to do...we had a nice little chat about this and that....more this, than that...which was odd, cause we usually talk about more that, than this...strange night...hehe

IM GOING TO SEE AMY IN 15 MINUTES...BOOYA!...HAPPY HALLOWEEN PEOPLE, I KNOW ILL BE HAVING A GOOD ONE...

I'm such a asshole

OHHHHHHHHHHHH SHIT...... SORRY SIMON AND NELLY, THANKS FOR THE EDIT, AHHHHHH I FORGOT >___________________< SORRRRRRRRRY I"M SUCH A BAKA