An Old Toy

Dr.Mah,

So it's 4:42am right now and my head is just in the most pain anyone can ever imagine. So it may mean two things really.
1)I have a lot on my mind and I have to find some way or form to vent before I kill myself.
2)I have mad cow
Whatever the reason, it seems as though as I type up this post while listening to Mozart, the pain is slowly going away. Over the past couple months many things have happened, good and bad. And though I have not post much of the good, I assure you blog readers out there that good has somewhat overcome the bad, but sadly enough not lately. So what to type up in this post I think to myself, and I know, sometimes I wish I were the type that would get straight to the point as well and not beat around the bush, but then again, that is what's so unique about my post. I enjoy building up to it. And weather you like it or not, I'm going to continue this.

As I grow older and start to see the world for what it is I realize how irrelevant other people's opinions are sometimes, and how trivial it was for me to even care back in grade 12 how others thought of me. Now, don't get me wrong everyone, that doesn't mean I don't care or anything, if your opinion means something to me, but merely states that you're of an importance in my life, and if I don't take what you say into consideration, then it's a no brainier where you stand. Even a Ryerson student can see that. (Cheap shot I know)

An old toy, a song I've been meaning to get working on. Sometimes when I write I think of the title first and world around that. It seems stupid, but I find it easier and it's like a guide for me. An old toy.... we all have one. Hanging out in the corner of the room, or in the basement somewhere tucked away until someone ask for toy donations for needy children. When we find it, and we're bored, we play with it and think of the fond memories we use to have with it. But once something new comes along, we've seem to always have the habit of abandoning it and fritter away with the new and shiny toy. But allow me to ask you this....have you ever felt like that old toy?

So it seems as though my nights have become more sleepless, which I found was somewhat odd since exams are over with, and there's no real pressure anymore. But I've just discovered that it isn't because of stress I wasn't able to sleep, its the question...."Am I being used as an old toy?" As much as I love to complain, it seems like I've been doing less of which as each day goes along. Why you may ask, well it's Christmas time, a time where a lot of people, if not everyone is going through a slight depression stage. And the time when ironically people all of a sudden start to talk to me about it.

Please don't get confused. I love helping people, talking to them is what I love doing, cheering people up, making them happy. It's what I believe I'm sent on earth to do. It is the corner stone of my existence, but at the same time, I think it would be nice for a person to ask how I'm feeling once in a while, only if it's not to much to ask for. I'm not an old toy...
(And I think only a couple would actually just msg me and ask. I know everyone in Shawn feat.Inu Cats do. And I know F4 does, 2nd lunch crew, and I'm so very greatful for that.)

But once again, people will read this and get the wrong idea, and it's hard not to. I'm not complaining of how I feel people are using me, that's not it at all. In fact, I consider it a great honor that anyone would tell me about their problems and fully trusting me to help them out. It is a huge honor and compliment to have such a priveldge, and I'll continue listening no matter what. I just feel used once in a while, and as HI-larious and meaningless as my emotions sound, perhasp I make a point?

We all use people once in a while, I know I do, and people will always use us. But I guess what I'm trying to state now is that..the fact it is Xmas...why dont we just stop and think...are we using others? And if so, can I stop just for a week or two, or atleast till xmas is over, and ask that person once in a while how they're are feeling. If we all stop and think, just think about people we've been talking to lately, or ever, it doesnt matter if you vent to your brother, sister, mom, dad, or best friend. Boyfriend, girlfriend. It doesnt matter. Have you ever stopped and turned the tables around. Have you ever stopped and ask.."So how was your day?" or "How are you feeling?"

Remember alittle can go along way. What sadens me the most is that once I get to know the person and once I help them get over the problem that they are in, I will lose that friend as fast as I gained them. And it has happened many times before, I would stay up all night just to make sure my friends alright, only to have them never speak to me ever again.

Am I angry at that?
Nope
Because after all...I'm just an old toy right?

Speak of the devil my headache is gone.
(I know, i used that phrase out of context)

Our Duets have always been kinda messy, so I've taken the time to outline who should sing what.

"Cute Without The 'E' (Cut From The Team)"

Shawn:Your lipstick, his collar.. don't bother Angel
I know exactly what goes on
When everything you'll get is
everything that you've wanted, princess

Butters:(well which would you prefer)

Shawn: My finger on the trigger, or

Butters:(me face down, down across your floor)

Shawn: Me face down, down across your floor

Butters: (me face down, down across your floor)

Shawn: Well just so long as this thing's loaded

Shawn: And will you tell all your friends
Together: you've got your gun to my head
This all was only wishful thinkin,
this all was only wishful thinkin

Shawn: And will you tell all your friends

Together:you've got your gun to my head
This all was only wishful thinkin,
this all was only wishful thinkin

Shawn:let's go...

Shawn:Don't bother trying to explain Angel

Butters:I know exactly what goes on when you're on and

Shawn: How about I'm outside of your window

Butters:(how about I'm outside of your window)

Shawn:Watchin him keep the details covered
You're such a sucker

Butters:(you're such a sucker)

Shawn:for a sweet talker, yeah

Shawn: And will you tell all your friends
Together: you've got your gun to my head
This all was only wishful thinkin,
this all was only wishful thinkin

Butters:(the only thing that I regret is that I, I never let you hold me back)

Shawn: And will you tell all your friends
you've got your gun to my head
This all was only wishful thinkin,
this all was only wishful thinkin

Shawn:Hoping for the best just hoping nothing happens
A thousand clever lines unread on clever napkins
I will never ask if you don't ever tell me
I know you well enough to know you never loved me
Hoping for the best just hoping nothing happens
A thousand clever lines unread on clever napkins
I will never ask if you don't ever tell me
I know you well enough to know you never loved me
Hoping for the best just hoping nothing happens
A thousand clever lines unread on clever napkins
I will never ask if you don't ever tell me
I know you well enough to know...

Butters:Why can't I feel anything
from anyone other than you?
Why can't I feel anything
from anyone other than you?
And all of this was all your fault
And all of this

Butters:(I stay jealous)
I stay wrecked and jealous for this,
for this simple reason
I just need to keep you in mind
as something larger than life

Shawn:(she'll destroy us all before she's through
and find a way to blame somebody else)

Butters:I stay wrecked and jealous for this,
for this simple reason
I just need to keep you in mind
as something larger than life

Shawn:(she'll destroy us all before she's through
and find a way to blame somebody else)

Butters:I stay wrecked and jealous for this,
for this simple reason
I just need to keep you in mind
as something larger than life!


I Think that's how it goes....doesnt matter we'll never follow it anyways haha.