Dr.Mah,
Let me first say that if you a negative comment just leave, because I'm in no mood for it. So here I am, making another post about my life...wondering if what I just did was right. Equivalent Trade as menthod before is to trade something to gain another. But what I wonder is where is mine... All my life I've worked my ass off, but soo much effort in it, and yet I just end up getting nothing. So I wonder, is all this worth it. Is being selfless worth the pain?. Amy tells me that I cant be completely selfless and unhappy at the same time. So why do I do it? Am I conditioned.. or is it because I'm just afraid to put myself out there.
So right I'm so fucking down that I'm playing Scrubs season 3 in the background. I've memorized every show so I can just listen to it and visualize it in my head. Hopefully it will work.
I'm always known as the good friend, always aware that I will be nothing more. I never really put myself out there to become something more because I dont expect it. I dont believe that my happiness is worth other people being sad, but sometimes enough is just enough. But how to you say it. How do you tell people that they're all walking paradoxs, that what they want is in their face, but just because of something as stupid as looks...
I wish that sometimes I can say, in the words of Dr.Grey : " Pick me, chose me, Love me"
if only....if only.... Final post for a month....I'm looking forward to it now because it means that I leave all this shit behind, because I need a break from this, I need a break from everything. Call me Emo, call me stupid, but my decision has been made, and well...Good bye to you...
