Hope this is going somewhere...

God...and I say that in asking for God's attention, not as an exasperation...I hope this is going somewhere good..that this is all leading up to something big...or..at least..bigger than this...better than my current state of affairs, which is me being on a medication (of one form or another) at any given time during the day...me having trouble coping with the reality that was thrust upon me...bad hip, bad heart...could be worse right?...could always be worse...

My next hospital appointment is friday...to discuss the results of the tests done on my hip...and I don't see any good news...

1) It's a recurrance of the cartilage eating bacteria that left me this way...then hooray...immediate surgery...

2) There's nothing...nothing but damage...and it's something I'll have to live with until I choose to get a replacement hip...

and there is the third possibility...

3) The doctor could tell me its all a dream, and when I wake up, everything will be back to the way it was..when I was happy with everything and life was good...

I guess another way to look at it is...I was living a dream..and then I woke up..and this is the world I really live in...I can't wait to dream...I have trouble finding reasons to smile...

"If you're happy with life, you've given up." - A. Khan

I haven't given up...not yet...but I've sure been knocked down more times I can count...

- Shawnathan

p.s. If you found this post depressing...sorry...but we all have our bad times right?...